Psycho Blaine
by J.W.Melmoth
Summary: This is a crack!proposal fic based on the promo. Blaine is insane (that rhymes!). Obviously this is not Blaine-friendly. I'm listing Blaine as a character anyway, because...he's a character in this fic, ok?


Here is some psycho!Blaine / crack!proposal fic based on the promo. I'm sorry if it's completely whack- but I had this idea and it had to be done.

**Pairing/Chars:** Kadam  
**Words:** 3490  
**Genre:** crack!proposal  
**Rating: **PG**  
Summary: **Blaine is insane (that rhymes!). This is a crack!proposal fic. Obviously this is not Blaine-friendly. I'm listing Blaine as a character anyway, because...he's a character in this fic, ok?

* * *

Adam was tired of waiting. It wasn't just that he missed Kurt - after three days, he was starting to get worried. It was very unlike Kurt not to call in every now and then, or to at least send him a text before he went to bed. Had something happened on the flight to Lima? Was Kurt's dad ok? With every passing day, the doom-scenarios in Adam's mind got worse. It didn't help that Kurt wasn't answering his phone. Adam wasn't sure if it would be proper to call his parents' house; He had never met Burt before and didn't want to seem like some kind of controlling boyfriend checking up on his son. But his worries were growing and he knew he had to do something.

Finally, he decided to ask Kurt's old friends in Lima. As he logged in on Facebook for the first time since Kurt left, he noticed several of the Lima people had unfriended him, all on the same day. He frowned. What was up with that? One of the people still left on his list was Tina. Adam checked her wall. Between the Farmville results and picture posts of flowers and fluffy kittens, he saw one text post dated the day the others had unfriended him.

"OMG so happy for my BBs! KLAINE4eva! 33333"

It was tagged "with Blaine Anderson and Kurt Hummel". Some guy called Eli C. had liked it.

Adam felt a sinking feeling in his stomach. Blaine and Kurt? What was going on? He clicked Blaine's username and felt his heart skip a beat.

User Blaine Anderson added following event to his timeline: engaged to Kurt Hummel.

Engaged? How? Why? His Kurt Hummel? The man who said he 'desperately wanted to be over' his ex? Adam clicked Kurt's profile. His timeline was clear- no new entries since last week when Kurt had instagrammed their shared strawberry icecream sundae and wrote "life is sweet with a-c-ford" under the picture with two spoons. His status still showed "in a relationship with Adam Crawford". Had Kurt been too busy celebrating his engagement that he hadn't had time to update his profile?

Adam ran a hand through his hair, tugging it slightly to help him think. Should he have seen this coming? Had there been signs that something was going on? If so, he had completely missed them. He thought about their goodbyes at JFK. _I miss you already_, Kurt had told him, right before they had shared a kiss that had kept Adam warm the past nights. _I can't wait to be back here with you._ Kurt had gone to Lima to celebrate his dad and Carole's anniversary with the Hudson-Hummel family and although it would have been a perfect opportunity for them to meet Adam, flights were expensive and Adam couldn't afford it. Kurt couldn't exactly invite him along on his intern wages either. Or maybe he just didn't want to? Had he been planning to hook up with Blaine again?

For a few moments, doubt crept up on Adam. But then he remembered the long conversations they had had before they officially got together, with Kurt unloading his heartache on Adam during talks that went deep into the night. His main regret was that Blaine never communicated his feelings, the ones that lead to their break-up, and that he had not been given a chance to fix things before it was too late. If Kurt was not happy with their relationship, if something was missing or too much too soon, Adam felt convinced Kurt would have tried to talk about it before running off to be with someone else. There had to be an explanation for this so-called 'engagement'.

Just as he wanted to try calling Kurt again, Adam saw Tina come online. He quickly sent her a message.

**Hello Tina, are you there? Could you tell me what happened on the 26th? "Klaine", that's Kurt & Blaine right?**

It remained silent for a while. Adam could see her status said 'typing', but every now and then she stopped. Either it was a very long story, or she kept starting over. Finally a message arrived.

**Omg Adam, Kurt didn't tell you yet?! Blaine asked him to marry him, it was SO romantic, he had the school band and the NDs and even Dalton serenade him. Kurt literally SWOONED. Blaine carried him off like they were married already! I guess they've been too busy celebrating the past days. Kurt will probs ask Rachel to send him his stuff from NY… I'm sorry Adam, I guess this sucks for you but Klaine are soulmates…it was meant to be! xoxo**

Adam sat back and mulled it over. He was still convinced Kurt wouldn't do that to him, even if the proposal was a surprise and swept him off his feet. He would have at least called to tell Adam they were over, if nothing else. He reread the message. What did Tina mean, he literally swooned? Kurt was not the type to faint; he always made sure he drank enough (mostly for the benefit of his skin, he'd say) and his blood sugar was never low because he carried glucose tablets to decrease junk food cravings (the only exception to his skinny jeans health plan were Adam's self-made cookies). Something weird was definitely going on and Adam had to find out what. With a heavy heart, he walked to his bookshelf. It was time to trade in his leather-bound Shakespeare collection and book a flight to Lima.

x

As Kurt opened his eyes, he didn't know where he was. He blinked and rubbed his eyes, trying to get a clearer view of his surroundings. His head felt fuzzy and his eyelids were heavy and sticky. His stomach growled. Where was he? What time was it? How did he get here? He patted his pockets for his phone. It was gone. He took a deep breath and composed himself. At least he was still dressed, and as far as he could tell sitting down, unharmed if a little woozy. He tried to remember what he was doing before waking up in this place. He was at McKinley highschool. Blaine had texted him and said it was important. As he got there, the school band stood in the courtyard, and suddenly everyone was singing. Kurt frowned, rubbing his temple. The memory was blurry. Blaine… He remembered standing in front of him and feeling surprised. Blaine wanted something from him. What was it? He had a small box…the last thing Kurt remembered was seeing soemthing flying from a trumpet right at him, and feeling a stinging pain in his neck, like a mosquito bite. His hand went up to feel if there was a bump, and his fingers found a tiny metal dart. He plucked it from his skin. What the hell? He looked around the room. It looked like someone's attic. It smelled musty and there were cobwebs hanging from the rafters. Most of the floor place was occupied by cardboard boxes and old cupboards.

Kurt's eye then fell on the only other item apart from himself that wasn't covered in a veil of dust. A suit hung from a hook by the trap door. Kurt narrowed his eyes. What was the meaning of this? He pushed himself up from the lumpy mattress on the floor, swaying on his feet, and after steadying himself walked over to the suit. There was no tag or label, yet it seemed to be his size. It had to be tailored. Despite the situation, Kurt caught himself admiring the fine pattern worked into the grain of the cloth, and the softness of the shirt underneath. Then he heard movement downstairs.

"Blaine?" he called out. He reached for the handle of the trap door and found it closed. "BLAINE?" he called out again. He listened for a response.

"Put on the suit, Kurt," he heard his ex-lover say from beneath the door.

"What for? Blaine, open up the door! Where are we? I want to come down." Kurt was starting to get agitated. If this was a joke, it wasn't very funny.

"Put on the suit, baby. You need it for the ceremony," Blaine called.

Ceremony? Kurt took a moment to taste the word on his lips. What on earth was Blaine talking about? Then he remembered. Right before he lost consciousness, Blaine had proposed.

x

Groggy with sleep after the flight, Adam took a cab from the airport directly to the Hudson-Hummel house. Rachel had texted him the address (with a comment not to bother her again as she was in the middle of her Funny Girl rehearsals). But when he got there, the place was deserted. Their neighbour, who was working in the garden, said they had left 'rather suddenly' and 'in very fancy dress'. Adam's stomach sank. Was he too late? He had no idea where to go. Tina wasn't replying on Facebook anymore, and the others had all unfriended him. He had no choice but to look up all the Andersons in Westerville and go and see them one by one. Maybe at Blaine's place he'd find some kind of clue where they could be. He had considered calling all the churches of Lima, but then, the Kurt he knew would never consent to marrying in a church- and no church in Ohio would take them anyway. On the way there, he kept calling Kurt's cell, but there was no answer. Still, Adam refused to give up.

The last of the three Andersons' houses had to be it. The first was a young couple with two small kids, the second an elderly lady who had never heard of Blaine or Kurt. Adam rang the doorbell and waited. There was no answer. Adam peered inside through the window. He didn't see anyone. Could he risk it? He decided to try the back. It was locked, but the garden was shielded from view. He picked up a rock, smashed in the small glass window of the door, and stuck his hand through it unlock the small chain keeping the door closed.

x

"Blaine, this is ridiculous! Let me down. What the hell did you do to me at the courtyard? Did you _drug me_?" Kurt was starting to get angry. He pounded the trap door with the flat of his palm.

"You gave me no choice, Kurt. You were about to make the biggest mistake of your life!"

"What? Saying no? How could you possibly think I'd want to marry you after what you did? We're broken up, Blaine."

"We're soulmates, Kurt," Blaine replied. "Everyone says so. Now put on the suit so I can take you to the ceremony. Everyone's waiting for us."

Kurt scrunched up his face. This was absurd. His stomach growled again. How long had he been up here? It couldn't have been long, or someone would have come looking for him, right? Then Blaine's words came back to him. Everyone was waiting. Did they think he had come with Blaine willingly? If they did, he couldn't expect help from anyone. He eyed the suit. Maybe, if he pretended to go along with it…

x

Adam rummaged around the living room. He had already established that this was the right house (several pictures of Blaine and a handsome older man who had to be his brother Cooper lined the walls) but how was he going to find out where Blaine had taken Kurt? Maybe there were clues in Blaine's bedroom. He went upstairs. After a bland bedroom with a double bed which was probably that of Mr and Mrs Anderson and a very dusty guest bedroom that might have been Cooper's at some point, Adam opened the door to the remaining bedroom…and took a step back in horror.

Every single surface of the walls and cupboards was plastered with pictures of Kurt. Blaine's entire room was a collage of real photographs of his ex-boyfriend and what looked like magazine pictures with cut-outs of Kurt's head stuck on the models' bodies. Some of them were nude. Adam blinked and tried not to look at them as he concentrated on finding clues. Blaine was clearly obsessed with Kurt. In his desk drawer, Adam found a school folder. He opened it and saw a boy's untidy handwriting. Page after page, it spelled the same sentence. KURT & BLAINE LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER. Sometimes there were hearts drawn around Kurt's name. Sometimes Blaine was underlined. Adam stared at it for a moment. He began to feel really frightened for his boyfriend.

"Baby, where are you?" Adam whispered to himself.

"Looking for someone?" a voice drawled from behind him. Adam spun around and saw Blaine, a malicious smile on his lips. He was wearing a smart suit and was holding a small tranquilliser gun.

"What have you done to Kurt?" Adam demanded, stepping forward. Blaine raised the gun and Adam halted. He was no use to Kurt drugged. "Where is he?"

Blaine smiled. "He's getting ready. We're about to get married, you know."

"Blaine, you can't do this! He doesn't _want _to marry you." Adam took another step closer.

Blaine's smile grew. "He will once he understands what it will cost him if he doesn't." He aimed the gun at Adam and fired a small dart into his arm.

x

"Okay, Blaine, I'm… I'm ready," Kurt called out. He had put on the suit, which fit perfectly, and was standing by the trapdoor with one hand in his pocket. After a few seconds, the trap door was opened from below and the stairs folded out. Feeling his heart beat in his throat, Kurt slowly descended. Blaine was standing at the foot of the stairs, wearing a suit that matched Kurt's.

"You look amazing," he said, his eyes shining.

"Don't I always?" Kurt replied airily, hoping Blaine would not detect his nerves. He had decided to wait for the right moment and then make a run for it.

"Of course," Blaine admitted, blushing a little. "Kurt, before we go, there's something I want to show you. I think you'll like it."

"Oh?" Kurt asked. "Can't it wait? I really… um… just want to get married like, right now." _Or at least get downstairs so I can reach the front door._

Blaine beamed at him. "Me too, baby. But this is important. Come on." He held out his hand as if he was coaxing along a toddler. Kurt bit the inside of his cheek and took Blaine's hand, not taking his other hand from his pocket.

Blaine pushed open the door to his bedroom, and Kurt gasped. Inside, tied to Blaine's chair, was Adam. His mouth was gagged with a silk bow tie and his head was lolling forward as if he was very sleepy. Kurt knew he must have been drugged as well. But what was he even doing here? Wasn't he supposed to be in New York?

"Adam?" he said quietly. His boyfriend's eyelashes fluttered. It looked like he was fighting to open his eyes. "What did you do to him?" he asked angrily, turning towards Blaine, forgetting for a moment his plan of playing along with whatever Blaine wanted so he could escape.

"Nothing much," Blaine replied, shrugging. "But he was saying you didn't want to marry me, Kurt. He came to take you away from me. I had to do something!" Blaine took up the tranquilliser gun from his desk. "It says on the internet that two shots of this make _dogs_ go into respiratory arrest," he said conversationally. "They weren't sure about people."

Kurt felt sick. He took his hand out of his pocket, letting go of the folded up piece of wire hanger from the suit that he had fashioned into some kind of weapon. He didn't dare make a run for it now. He couldn't leave Adam alone with Blaine! He had to get hold of that gun before Adam woke up and did or said anything that made Blaine drug him again. His ex-boyfriend was too out of it to realise he was actually playing with someone's life. Adam groaned, shaking his head a little and trying valiantly to wake up. Kurt thought fast, trying to recall all of the action movies he had ever seen (not many, and most of them under protest because Finn had won the battle for the remote control). How did the heroes get out of situations like this? He didn't have any kong fu skills or a trusty sidekick or a back-up team. With a flash of clarity Kurt realised he stood a better chance taking cues from movies with female heroines. They had a trick up their sleeve Bruce Willis and Tom Cruise didn't; the villain's attraction to them. He straightened his shoulders and took a deep breath. Time to use some of those acting skills he had been training at NYADA.

"That was very brave of you, Blaine," he said, making his voice softer and gentler than it was before. "You have no idea how frightened I was of him."

Blaine frowned. "You were?"

Kurt nodded. "He's very controlling. See how he even followed me here? He doesn't trust me with you because… because I think he knows I still have feelings for you." Blaine was looking at Kurt with wide eyes that had gone a little glassy and Kurt decided to push it just a little bit more. "He threatened me, you know. He said if I ever got back together with you he'd-.. he'd..!" He broke off dramatically. "You don't want to know what he did when he found out about Mr Schue's wedding." He let out a shuddering sigh. "That's why I had to stay away from you."

"I _knew_ there was a reason you were acting so weird," Blaine hissed angrily. "Soulmates don't break up, ever." He stepped up to Adam and raised the gun. "I should really just-"

"NO, don't!" Kurt yelled, jumping in front of him. "Please, baby. Don't." He paused, searching his brain for a good reason while not falling out of character. "I don't want you to get into trouble. We can't get married if you're in jail."

Blaine hesitated, his finger on the trigger. Kurt bit his lip. "Just…focus on me, okay? We can worry about him later." Kurt reached out to caress the side of his ex-boyfriend's face, sliding his fingers through the hair on the nape of his neck the way he used to when they were together. Blaine's eyelids closed a little.

"Kiss me?" Blaine asked, almost timidly, like this was a first date and not a kidnapping.

Kurt swallowed and nodded. He put his arms around Blaine, pulling him away from Adam as far as he could, and kissed his lips. For a moment, the touch and smell of him made the past year and the heartbreak seem like a distant dream. But then Kurt remembered all the ways Blaine had hurt him, and the threat he currently was to him and Adam. He let one of his hands slide down, mimicking a caress, and he reached the tranquilliser gun. He covered Blaine's hand with his own and closed around it. Mistaking it for the permission to fondle each other, Blaine also slid his free hand down and cupped Kurt's ass. He hummed against Kurt's lips. Kurt turned the gun in towards Blaine's leg and pressed down hard. With a loud snap, the injection was fired off into his thigh muscle. Blaine propelled himself away from Kurt, looking at him with a mixture of fear and shock. Before he could really process what had happened, his eyes were already drooping. Kurt considered having a Bond-villain monologue or even an evil laugh, but decided against it. Saving Adam was more important. He took the wire hanger from his pocket and used it to hack at the duct tape that bound Adam to the chair. While he was working away at the tough material, Adam slowly came to. He blinked and looked at Kurt groggily. Then, realising where he was, he pulled his arms free to tear at his gag.

"Kurt! We have to get out of here! Blaine has gone mad!"

"Shh, I know. It's ok. I took care of it." Kurt nodded at Blaine, who was lying in the corner of his room, drooling onto a pillow that had Kurt's picture on it. Adam stared at him in awe.

"I thought I was coming to save you," he said. "But it seems I ended up being the damsel in distress."

Kurt smirked. "Damsel? I sure hope not, or I might leave you here." He winked.

Adam smiled back and rubbed his wrists as he took in the sight of his boyfriend. "That suit looks amazing."

Kurt looked down on himself and then around the room. "Well, Blaine did always have good taste. I mean, look at these marvellous decorations…."


End file.
